The advice came from an unexpected source, a 5-second clip of one of the “real housewife” series. I say unexpected because I don’t usually watch the show. But I was in a hotel room on a business trip with nothing better to do for the 30 minutes I had before going out for dinner, so I was flipping through the channel. A husband and a wife were arguing in their bedroom, and the wife said, “But she’s my sister.” And the husband shouted in response, “It doesn’t matter. She’s like a cancer. You should cut her off. Nobody tells you to live with cancer.” I didn’t see the rest of the scene because I was entirely in “surfing mode,” and my finger automatically pressed the “channel” button. By the time I realized that I wanted to see what was going on and went back to the channel, the show had already moved on to a different couple.
But what he said stuck with me. “She’s like a cancer.” When you have cancer, nobody tells you to keep the cancer because it is part of your body. If your parents physically abuse you, nobody asks you to stay in contact with them. But when your parents mentally abuse you, almost everybody tells you that you need to keep them in your life because “they are your parents.” Why is that?
Sure, my mom birthed me. But doesn’t it give her some responsibility to treat me with love? Just because she gave me birth does not mean that she can treat me however she wants, and I need to endure it. Emotional harm is very real. Just because you cannot see it does not mean it is not there. People who say, “But they are your parents,” do not seem to understand that it hurts me to cut off my mom. But you know what? It hurts me much more to keep her in my life and endure the mistreatment, and this is why I do not talk to my mom anymore.