Why I Started "No Contact with Parents"
Throughout my childhood, I relentlessly pursued my mom’s “approval.” I earnestly followed every one of her “directions” in my quest for her endorsement. However, my efforts seemed to fall short continuously. Regardless of my actions, there was always something I seemed to be doing incorrectly. Despite the ongoing challenges, I perceived it as a way of life and persisted in my endeavors to win my mom’s approval, which, unfortunately, remained elusive.
It was only when I moved out from her place and went abroad for my studies that I opened my eyes to the harsh reality that gaining her approval was an elusive goal. This realization prompted me to delve into my interests and actively pursue what resonated with me. For the first time, I was discovering my own preferences and finding my own voice. Predictably, this shift didn’t sit well with my mother, causing a strain on our once seemingly fine relationship. The climax occurred when I got engaged to my boyfriend of 3 and a half years, who happened to be white. She couldn’t accept that I wasn’t conforming to her expectations and, as a result, severed ties with me. Only after she learned about our breakup did she reach out, though she never acknowledged the events that transpired.
Since then, our relationship has had its share of ups and downs. The distance, with us being on opposite sides of the world and meeting in person only once a year, added another layer of challenge. I often felt a disconnect, like she didn’t quite understand where I was coming from, and she couldn’t fathom why the once agreeable girl was suddenly acting out.
During her last visit to see me, it became evident that we no longer had much in common. Despite my efforts to be a gracious hostess and ensure an enjoyable visit, once she returned home, she stopped responding to my attempts to reach out—whether through calls, texts, or emails. After a few weeks of persistent but unanswered attempts, I eventually decided to stop trying.
It wasn’t until I sat down to reflect on what had happened that I realized she was the one who initiated the “no contact,” not the other way around. Regardless of who started it, the experience was deeply painful. Those around me couldn’t comprehend why I would suddenly stop talking to my mom without any apparent dramatic events. It was a struggle, so I tried to push the situation aside and forget about what was happening with my mom.
Then, one day while browsing YouTube, I stumbled upon a video discussing how people go “no contact” with their parents. In that moment, the emotional wall I had carefully built over about a year came tumbling down. As painful as it was, discovering that I wasn’t alone in this experience was also helpful. Many people out there were going through something similar, and it became clear that there were others who could understand me.
Not knowing how to connect with those who shared similar experiences, I decided to launch this website/blog page. Here, I could openly share my personal story and establish a supportive community. While I cherish the friends around me, there are moments when it is tough for them to grasp the depth of what I am going through without having experienced it themselves. My aspiration is for this website to serve as both a support group and a resource for individuals like me—those who, for various reasons, find themselves no longer in communication with their parents.
In coming together on this platform, I hope that we can foster understanding, share coping strategies, and offer each other the empathy that comes from shared experiences. Whether you’re seeking guidance or simply a community where your feelings are acknowledged, this website is intended to be a haven for those navigating the complexities of estrangement.
Remember, you’re not alone, and your story is valid.