It all started with one line. While scrolling through YouTube, a title caught my eye. “No Contact with Parents – People Are Speaking Up”. (https://youtu.be/oIhI6dymh_k?si=MGu9RC_lO8zmjutV)
I haven’t spoken to my mom for about a year. Unlike the time before, this time, there was no fight. She visited me for about a week, and I thought we had a decent time. But after she left, she stopped talking to me. I called and texted a few times over the course of a few weeks, only to face the silence. After a few weeks of no response, I stopped trying. That was about a year ago.
When she visited me, some of my friends/acquaintances/neighbors met her. For a few weeks after she left, those friends/acquaintances/neighbors asked me how my mom was doing. Initially I felt a pang in my heart. I froze for a few seconds, but then I smiled and said “I don’t know, I haven’t spoken to her since she left.” After she visited me, she went to visit my brother, so my answer was acceptable. I could say “She must be busy because she’s visiting my brother.” Then she went back home and I told people she must be tired from the travel. Then a few more weeks passed. Whenever people asked me how she was doing, I would call/text her to see how she was doing. But deep in my heart, I did not want her to answer. I knew that if she answered, the phone call would inevitably start with the complaint that we haven’t spoken for a long time. It wouldn’t matter that she did not call me, or did not even answer my call. It would all be my fault. Because I am a daughter and she is a mom, and as a daughter, it is my duty to “pay my respects” to my parents. I called her on the Christmas, New Year’s Eve, then her birthday, but after she didn’t answer or call me back on those occasions, I stopped trying.
These days when people ask me how my mom was doing I say “Oh, I think she’s doing great.” Because it is too painful for me to say “I have no clue how she is doing.” It is too painful to admit that I haven’t spoken to my mom for over a year, and I have no idea why she stopped talking to me. It is too painful to think about, so I have pushed it down for the past year. But one simple line “No Contact with Parents – People are Speaking Up” accompanied by the thumbnail with “Heartbreaking”on it was all it took for me to feel that pain all over again.
The pain. The guilt. Then I watched the video. The video showed a few people who are currently in no contact with their parents and they were describing how painful it was for them, and more importantly, they told me that it was okay not to talk to your toxic parents even when everyone around you think you should maintain a relationship with your family no matter what.